We have no more conscious control over our emotions than we do our thoughts. When my grandmother died, I wasn't really that sad. She was 96 and her quality of life had deteriorated to the point that it was painful to watch. When my dog died, I was devastated for weeks. He was 14 which is old for a Brittany and his quality of life had also deteriorated to the point that it was painful to watch. Why was I so sad about my dog and not for my grandmother? It's not logical if you think that a dog is an animal lacking a soul unlike my grandmother as a person. And it wasn't until I sat down and wrote out all of the reasons that I loved my dog and why I missed him so much that I was able to move past it.
Just because we don't create our thoughts and emotions doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't own them. Learning and wisdom gaining are real and are the result of thought about people and events that occur. A 4 year old is more likely to blame others for their mistakes than a 40 year old but it depends on the individual. Being present is about noticing that we don't create thoughts and emotions and realizing that they bubble up from below. Allowing yourself to experience life as it comes, accept it and learn from it. The expectation that good things or bad things will happen is a result of attitude. People can find reasons for happiness or misery.
I have this friend who is incredibly intelligent but is also highly susceptible to impulses. He has the ability to make literally anyone feel like they're 4 inches tall when he takes them to task over something that he is usually right about. There was a teachable moment that occurred when he had a huge fight with his wife and we met for a drink. I told him that the average response time in any conversation is about 200 ms. I told him that his average response time is generally around 50-100 ms because he thinks so quickly. I gave him the advice to be more intentional in the way that he communicates. Rather than immediately saying what pops into your head, take an extra 100 ms to ensure that it is something that you should say. I explained to him that outcomes are way more important than being right and that by being intentional in the words you choose you're more likely to get the outcomes you desire. This advice has changed his life.
So, even if the decisions are made by the subconscious or some other unconscious process we still get to think about them. The conscious mind is not only the witness but also the biographer. Though you don't create your thoughts you can choose your words.
Not sure how well this answers your question, but that's all I have at the moment.