If you lose a loved one, you feel bad as a response, but you have a choice (no matter how difficult) regarding how it affects the rest of your life. You experience sadness; you choose your response to sadness.
I am reminded of the popular sayings about bravery: Bravery doesn't mean you aren't afraid. It means you use your will to overcome your fear and act in spite of that fear. Fear is the response to stimuli; brave acts (or not) are free choices.
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