Go!
Three CIA recruits are in the final stage of training.
The instructor calls them into a room and says to the first one, “Take this gun and go into the next room. I want you to assassinate whomever you find there. If you don’t do this, you don’t graduate.”
The man took the gun and went into the next room, where he found his wife. Taking one look at her, he returned to the instructor, threw down his gun and quit, saying, “I can’t do this.”
The next man went into the room and saw his own wife. He hesitated a moment, then he, too, resigned.
The third man took the gun and went into the room. The instructor heard six rapid shots, followed by screams, thuds, crashes, then silence. Then the door opened and out came the third agent all bloody, and his shirt in shreds.
He said to the instructor, “You idiot, you gave me blanks! I had to strangle her!”
What’s the most disappointing thing for a man on Christmas morning?
When he gets a sweater, but he’s hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
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I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come…
Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
The last time I went to the doctor he told me that I had to stop masturbating.
Why, I said.
“Because I’m trying to give you an exam.”
is if the subject of the joke is about the hottest woman in the office.
...off on the right foot.
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25 people including attorneys and staff.
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Are you a professional comedian or something?
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Should be quite easy for you.
Good King Wenceslas phoned Domino's for a pizza.
The sales person on the telephone asked him:- 'Do you want your usual? Deep pan, crisp and even?'
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Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
Might save the second one for Christmas Eve family dinner.
Didn't know the audience he was speaking to. The first is totally lame, but G rated and will certainly garner a groan (as puns always do).
The second one is for later, after everyone has had a few drinks.