Ripped out cabinets and had custom ones installed, new granite, new sinks, all new fixtures, new light fixtures, completely new walk in shower....

Granted no new piping, no new jetted tub, and kept the floors...and we spent about $8k

I would expect what you are talking about to cost $17-18k max....

A very high end, large kitchen should be in the $30-40k range.....we redid ours but refaced cabinets, new granite, all new appliances, $10-12k

Once again kept the floors and just refinished them, but put in new recessed lighting and a new light fixture

We are in Georgia.....imagine NY/NJ/Connecticut is higher but feel sorry for you if it's that higher